Monthly Archives: March 2005
it’s days like these when i’m so thankful we have modern housing and can stay nice and dry instead of getting drenched out there or suffering leaky roofs and stuff. or being in the army getting footrot in some forest.
(i still have vestigial traces of it, by the way. footrot. irritating. hopefully it’d go away soon, now that i’m bootless most of the time)
i mean, when i say standing in the rain, i’m thinking light shower, not a freaking thunderstorm.
last night i dreamt that i got married. i think to some dunmanian i knew pretty long ago. can’t really remember. haha. but anyway. here’s the sketchy details.
basically it’s this friend i used to talk to like 7 years ago? so i got in touch with her again for some reason. i’ve never been interested in her, so this dream is pretty weird. initially yeah still not interested in her, then along the way she reveals that she likes me. so suddenly i look at her in a new light and end up dating her even though i don’t really like her.
then in the end get married lor. and i was contented. that’s like, scary.
i’m usually somewhat of a cynic, but i still look forward to the time when i can find someone i really love, who loves me back, for who we are. despite (maybe becausee of) our imperfections. it’d start off really passionate and slowly cool to the heat of glowing embers which still warms the heart.
kinda like a barbeque.
and then we have children who we are superproud of and adore however smart/dumb and beautiful/ugly they are.
and then in our twilight years we still love each other and kiss and embrace much to the youngsters’ disgust. or if we have aged gracefully then they’d sigh and wonder if they’d ever find true love such as this.
(the latter effect is preferable but hey, you can’t have everything yah?)
and the word divorce has always been anathema to us. actually no, it’s just a foreign word which really confuses us as we hear more and more about it in this sucky world.
and rereading all the stuff i’ve typed out, i’m reminded once more of how much a dreamer i can be some times. and also why i’m still single.
anyway. so that’s why this dream is so scary. to me. at this time when i am still dreaming of a bbq love, this microwave affair i’d dreamt up is just so… disappointing. and i’m satisfied with it? no way.
these charcoal sticks aren’t anywhere near their expiry date, baby.
½ day more and 2 more duties!
i’m free from tomorrow onward. reason being i was forced to have a lesson on 120405 (leave day!) since my branch is understaffed, so i whined and bitched and wheedled my way into taking off for tomorrow as ‘repayment’. muahaha.
so i left early today from work and dropped by mindef for awhile. sorta an ord visit, see my old officers and fellow clerks. they’re mostly still there! and they’re really nice to me. made me feel really welcome. not like my current ^#@!^%!%^ office. fwah.
anyway yeah they were really nice! talked to me and stuff. told me how i was better than my replacement(s) (my previous understudy ORDed already so it’s my grandunderstudy in there right now). and stuff. my big boss (yeah the retired BG) even told me, “there is one reason you didn’t get into ocs. that is your service balance.” essentially, didn’t have enough time left to become an officer. haha. dunno if he was trying to make me feel better, or he’d actually researched. but it’s a nice gesture anyway. bothering to tell me that.
not that it makes a big diff at this point in time, but yeah it’s just nice.
½ day more and 2 more duties!
2 more days, and 2 more duties.
this might just be the slowest 48 hours (+24 for the duties) of my life.
(especially when all most of my idiot friends who enlisted a few days after me have collected their nric already)
2 more days, and 2 more duties.
haha i feel like i’m writing a children’s story or something. why not. shall attempt my very first picture book.
about two days later (really fast huh?) one was gone already! probably flew off
or got eaten or something (edited for immature audiences). the other one was still unable to fly so it stayed around the garden. really quite cute!
but now, it’s gone too. i’m guessing it followed the path of its (precocious?) sibling.
i’d be clearing leave soon (hooray! thank you, lord, for good friday) and i think it’s really easy to just let the days drift away, when you’re without direction. and i don’t really want to spend every day of my post-ORD playing World of Warcraft (attractive as that option might seem).
so i was thinking of a few goals i should set for myself. some smaller, some bigger, try to achieve all these stuff. to make sure my time doesn’t just go to waste.
try new things. this isn’t actually as vague as it sounds – i mean new activities, probably sports. i’m probably going diving next month! wah so happening right. and i’ve got a new interest… water sports! particularly jet skiing. haha. see if i can cultivate this interest at a later time. and yeah some of the other things on this list count as ‘new things’ but they’re more concrete goals so i’m still listing them out anyway.
first aid course. back in 2003 i was interested in being a certified first-aider. i think it’s a great thing to be! the crappy course i got in bslc wasn’t of much help. or maybe it’s because i’ve forgotten everything i learnt there. plus i never did get my cert, apparently my rank was printed wrongly and they had it sent back. stupid. same reason i don’t have a bslc cert.
anyway, i think first aid is a great thing to know. and not just so you can mouth-to-mouth the gorgeous babe who almost drowned at the beach (think typical tv scene). i’m thinking more on those times when someone’s hurt and you don’t know what to do. or you have a rough idea but it’s based on hearsay. i think it’s really sucky to want to help but simply do not know how.
fitness. haha. theoretically i should be starting my regime now. but. lazy me. my aim is to maintain silver when i come back for reservist so i can get that extra $200 per year. plus remain healthy (healthier, anyway). so.. yeah. need to do some work in the meantime, i guess.
faith. i want to work on this, but i’ve no idea where to start. really. thinking of seeing how when overseas. those uni groups and stuff should be more enthu in discussions of such nature. i think.
birthday gifts. this is the year of the 21sts. though i usually don’t get presents (because i so suck at getting them), i’d really like to do otherwise this year. individual, nice, meaningful ones if possible. but since yeah i’m so sucky at getting gifts i suspect most of you won’t be getting any. larlarlar. see how lah. try my best ok? otherwise i’d just ‘chip into the fund’ or something. as usual.
photoshop. i’ve always found editing pictures to be pretty fun. it’d be nice if i knew how to edit them really really well! haha. right now i’m doing things in a really basic manner. manually editing and stuff. and still not bad right! heh. so must learn more powerful stuff leh. maybe borrow the dummies book or something.
riding. ok i’m not so on about this. haha. but i’ve always been vaguely interested in knowing how to ride. as in like motorbike. add a ‘class 2’ line to my license. but i think in the end it’s just a waste of money so i guess not.
today is weiwen’s 21st birthday. so at midnight a bunch of us gathered in his void deck and went up to
kachiao him give him a surprise.
a bunch of us, btw, was a bloody lot of us. including 4 girlfriends, but since he actually talked to them (i think), it’s not so bad. total… 13 ppl? i think.
it was coordinated through his sister so his family kinda knew what was coming and wasn’t disturbed in the process. at least, i hope so.
actually, he’d already expressed his disdain for big celebration things so some of us expressed concern that he wouldn’t like it. but i didn’t really think so… if a bunch of your friends (at least some of them being close ones) decided to pop by your place and surprise you for your birthday, wouldn’t you be happy?
or maybe he’s secretly pissed we interrupted his maple story. =P
anyway he seemed quite happy at the end of the whole thing which is great. actually i had absolutely nothing to do with the planning of this whole thing. i’m not particularly spontaneous. probably more importantly, i’m probably not that close to him already. seldom talk these days. hmm. but it’s nice to meet up again lah. after so long.
so much more meaningful than expensive buffet dinners held at hotel-like environments, don’t you think?
haha how bored can i be right?
it’s amazing what can be done with a little photoshopping. the alignment’s probably off a bit but as you can see i wasn’t trying too hard.
nothing compared to that real cert i got 2 years back (as you can see i’ve taken the opportunity to haolian about it here muahaha) of course.
[John 20:29] Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
i’ve been thinking a little on my faith recently. what’s left of it, anyway. the problem seems to be that i’m by nature a skeptic, so it’s kinda hard to have faith in a God who doesn’t seem to directly influence anything in the material world.
i mean, seriously. how reasonable is this? you’re all-powerful and all-seeing, you create a race of intelligent people possessing free will, most of these dudes have never made contact with you directly, and you expect people to believe in you? faith is beyond evidence, they say, but well. another term for that would be blind faith, right?
those guys in biblical times have a real advantage over me. i mean, if my teacher just got executed by the authorities for being a religious nutjob and suddenly rose from the dead, sure i’d believe what he says! but when all i have is this stuff about “look at the world around you, surely that is enough evidence that there is a creator?” and things like what other people have felt and experienced (which can be explained by a myriad of other factors) i really start to doubt.
oh there’s a two-thousand year old book we have too, which has been selectively pieced together and re-edited over the years repeatedly by various groups of men. several of which were known to be corrupt and power-hungry back in the ancient days.
and my main gripe about everything? it’s all men. as in people, regardless of gender. they’re the ones saying what’s what? why do they know so much? how come these churchpeople can be wrong about the earth being the centre of the universe but can’t be wrong about religious matters?
ultimately, i think, you believe only if you feel it’s right. like if you hear that there’s a loving god out there who created the world and still influences it in a rather unobvious and unfathomable but definitely good way, and it stirs something in your soul, then you commit to it. but there’s something wrong here isn’t there? some people think taoism is right, some hinduism, some islam, etc. assuming christianity’s “our view is right” is true, what’s wrong with these other guys? are they going to get sent to hell merely because their soul stirred wrongly? or is it that the good guys will all get stirred the correct direction.
utter rubbish, i hear some of you say. i totally agree.
if my faith is really what it’s supposed to be, how can good nice people hear the word of God and not be stirred? what’s happened to the all-powerful word of God? are we spreading it wrongly? in-your-face evangelism isn’t the answer?
why why why why why. okay at this stage i’m really confused. i have so much more to ask, so much more i don’t know. but i’m really not sure where to begin or end.
so i’d just end here with a simple question.
how does one have faith?
i have been denied.
(actually my guest pass expires only tomorrow but the server is down for maintenance so unless i login at 2am later i probably won’t be playing again for some time)
so i’m back here. haha. missed me? i know, my sharp wit and brilliant writing aren’t easy to live without. then again, i’ve been living without those for about a year already (forever, rather, if you’re a critic). we make do with what rustybrain we have. =)
it seems that the universe is all for balance and my recent spate of half-days is being countered by an upcoming cohesion even tmr (some bbq) and unit family day this saturday. if you don’t realise, these are compulsory non-office-hour events. bah. waste of time.
maybe it’s because i’m a libra.
my sister has just sprained her ankle and is hopping about on one foot. and skipping school. i wish i had a sprained ankle too. haha. but anyway, now that her locomotive powers have been greatly reduced, i can no longer send her out on menial tasks like refilling my flask and uhhh. think that’s the main thing. haha.
instead i demonstrate my great brotherly love by carrying her up and down the stairs now and then. awwwwww. don’t be so surprised – i pay my debts! haha. ey it’s no joke you know. she’s quite heavy now. a little on the plump side.
(i bet ten years from now she’d read my blog and hate me forever for that one statement of mine)
so many sad things to talk about. but you know what this moment of silence really is for?
today i wore my no4 pants and almost suffocated. apparently i’d expanded during the long weekend. i had to unbutton the side strap things to loosen it! FOR BOTH SIDES! fwah. ok i’ve no idea what those are called. but anyone who’s had school uniform pants or whatever (no idea if skirts had those) should have a rough idea of what i’m saying.
luckily i won’t be needing those for some time. hopefully in the meantime while in uni i can start exercising and watching my diet and end up buffed and hunky.
fat hope, you say? i kinda agree.
-mulls in silence-