Monthly Archives: January 2003


i think my mum’s mum is the only grandparent of mine that i love. my mum was mentioning today about how she’s already 84… then i started thinking about times gone by and how old 84 really is… got kinda misty-eyed. she’s a very nice lady, my maternal grandma. think i should try visit her more often.

tmr being cny eve, my department is having some celebrations. so i will be playing pool with officers after all! heh. too bad it’s not a permanent vocation. for my NS duration.


kids say the darndest things!

and i was a kid too. once. just remembered today some darned thing i’d said before. because i’d registered at the driving school today.

little me: ma, wat’s the maximum speed of the car?

ma: dunno, ask pa.

pa: not sure lah.

little me: what’s the highest number they show?

pa: XX km/h

little me: ma, next time when i grow up and you get another cut, i’d drive at XX km/h to buy you some handyplast!

haha. something like that. so cute. i think. and sweet. wonder what happened to me. oh well.

to be loved

[from the song To Be Loved by Dennis Jernigan. christian singer. most of the rest of the song is quite religion-specific, but i thought the first verse and chorus were nice, even on their own]

Father, if we were to be honest
What would our greatest need consist of?
Wouldn’t we say, if we were all honest,
Simply our greatest need is to be loved?

From the strong and stable man to the single-minded woman,
To the man not even sure he is a man
To the lonely, hurting children, to the old abandoned soul,
We need love to make us whole

To be loved is like a harbor in a storm
To be anchored so securely at the heart you can’t be torn
To be loved is just what every heart would give their life to be
Held just once by One who would not leave

To be loved is what we need

rank culture

hoora. i finally did stuff today! granted, most of it was pretty dumb stuff, as in braindead people could have done it (print labels for areas, laminate the printed signs, condense a word doc into powerpoint, etc), but it sure beats stoning in front of an internet-less, game-less computer.

oh. i’ve realised that in mindef, it’s easy for me to forget i’m just a lousy recruit among many senior officers. two incidents today which prove this point.

today, at the pass office (where i trade in my ic since i don’t have a permanent mindef pass yet), there was a pretty long queue. i was somewhere at the back. suddenly, the guy at the counter peered in my direction and called out, “sir!” and gestured to move forward. thinking it was like in mcdonalds where a new counter was opened when the queues were long, i started moving forward. then the guy called out again, “colonel?” and gestured at the lieutenant-colonel standing in front of me. then i realised that the guy was the one doing the current queue. as in, there was no second counter being set up.

priority to the high-rankers =P

second case. today one of my project officers, a lietenant-colonel as well, walked into the registry (the place where all the clerks are stationed). i’m seated at the very end of the registry, so he took awhile to reach me. in the meantime, he was kinda asking for orders from the other clerks (all permanent staff) for drinks. when he reached me, i’d thought he was about to ask me for my order too. then, he took out a two-dollar note, and told me, “Louis, go buy two cups of coffee, thanks.”

haha. and no i’m not sore at all lah, anything beats stoning. involuntary stoning, i mean. i’m kinda amused, in fact. oh well.


you know, i had a weird thought. was thinking to something xianna had said the other time.

do all pinafore-adorned girls wear pe shorts underneath? ok, so it’s to prevent VPL (visible panty line)? what the heck is that? i can’t really imagine pantylines being visible underneath those giant skirt thingies.

somebody, help me out here? =P


it’s a saturday afternoon. i’d always hated coming out of bed, but ever since they told me to use the wheelchair, i’ve hated it even more. i struggle to get onto it. slowly, i bring myself to my desk. i’m unused to this, this inability to move myself around, this… prison.

on the way, i pass by a mirror. a crop of white emerges from my scalp. i’m surprised, but why should i be? i’ve already been a senior citizen for a dozen years or so. time has not been kind to me, it seems.

finally, i reach the desk. on it, the envelope. i’d opened it quite late the previous night, and had decided to leave it till today before proceeding. i remove its contents – a single sheet of paper with eight digits on it. i’ve been alone for so many years, i’ve almost forgotten how to use the telephone. i hesitate. how long has it been? mind awash with memories, i start dialling.

ring, ring. “hello?”

“hi, may i speak to huiyuan please?”

“yes, speaking. who’s this?”

blink. da yan mei mei*!” i cry. “it’s been awhile.”

we talk.

*大眼妹妹, chinese for big-eyed little sister. just something i call her now and then.

based very loosely on a real dream. loosely because i don’t really remember the details at all already. haha. plus i wanted to practise my writing. really sucks huh? anyway i’ve no idea why i dreamed of huiyuan, but i think the main thing was finding a long-lost friend. it was a nice feeling. hopefully i’d never end up like that though. alone for dunno how many years. it felt terrible.


she’s busy with work.

should have known better than to expect zq’s birthday to be useful… =P


yay! finished that darned essay at last.

but the later part is quite crappy. all rushed today. can’t be bothered already… no longer attempted to carve a beautiful piece to represent my life’s aspirations etc etc liao.

project aborted

The Hair Project has been abandoned today. mainly because i think it’s super stupid and boring. haha. i actually took a picture of my head and well, looking at it, imagining it’s growth over the next few weeks, i thought to myself, why the heck am i doing this?

then it hit me. because i’m bored, and i can’t really talk about my job (which i spend most of my time on) either. haha. oh well. it’s really scary. i had to fill in this form where i had to name 2 referrees, apparently to vouch for my honesty. or something. then since i took the basic theory test with allan (vj president) and huiyuan, i conveniently got them to put their names down.

my chief clerk told me to warn them not to say too much, because the MSD (military security department) was likely to call them and ask about me. gosh. this sounds serious.

but, really, so far i haven’t been handling anything sensitive lor… kinda boring actually haha. or maybe i’m passing all the good stuff ‘cos i don’t understand it. which wouldn’t be surprising.

wonder if the MSD will charge me if they ever stumble on this site. haha. don’t think i’ve actually said anything sensitive. but. detention barracks sounds scary. think i’d zip up now then. haha.

haha. zhaoqing’s birthday is actually good for something. i’ve asked weiying out to choose his present with me. haven’t talked to her for awhile. hmm.

oh well. yay. that’s all for now. i’ve relieved enough of my boredom to go on with my umich essay! hope i finish it tonight. then can send via speedpost tmr or something. 1st feb isn’t really far off…


i think one of the worst feelings in the world, up there along with loneliness, is the feeling of being ignored.

wait a second. being ignored is sucky precisely because you feel lonely. hmm.

i guess the worst feeling is when you feel lonely ‘cos you’re being ignored, then… yeah… try to imagine that… that’s right… now you’re feeling the same way i do! =)